How much about a person can you really expect to know? When people get married, they often promise to share all of their secrets together, although typically the secrets are out before getting married. It would be strange to marry someone with the promise that they will reveal their secrets after you tie the knot. One woman discovered her husband has 47 children, and decided now’s the time for a divorce.
Struggling with the news
This woman didn’t know about how many children her husband had fathered before they got married, but now the cat was out of the bag, she was struggling.
How could her husband not tell her something like this? The secret was out, and it wasn’t sitting well with this woman.
Asking the internet
These days, you don’t have to write into a magazine or TV show to get some advice on your life for free. Instead, you can just take yourself to the internet and ask a bunch of random strangers what they think about your situation.
Sure they might not be qualified to give you a professional opinion, but getting as many thoughts as possible can guide you. The woman wanted to know if she was being a bad person for wanting a divorce after learning about how many children her husband had.
Knowing about his past
Although it was a surprise for the woman to learn how many children her husband had fathered, she might have seen it coming. The woman explained that she and her husband have been married for eight years now, and have a three-year-old daughter together.
When they first got together, she explained, her husband was very open about the things he had done in the past. He told her that he had donated his baby-making material multiple times in the past.
Not asking about it
Although her husband-to-be was being very frank and honest about the donations he had made in the past, the woman chose not to press him further. She accepted that he had done this and it was now in the past.
The woman didn’t think to ask her partner how many children he thought he had fathered through the donation process, but figured it wouldn’t be that many. She just assumed it would be a couple of kids and that wasn’t a big deal to her. Then she found out the real number of children.
Finally bringing it up
They had been married for eight years and had avoided the question of how many children exactly her husband had fathered. He was giving hope to people by being a donor, but the woman was amazed to learn just how regular her husband had been at the clinic.
She learned that her husband was the father to a total of 47 children, and this didn’t sit well with her. That was a bombshell that she was not expecting.
Taking some blame
The woman did say that it was her fault for not finding out about the 47 kids sooner. When her husband first brought up the fact that he made those donations in the past, her first instinct was to say that she didn’t care.
In fact, it was something that she “didn’t want to know,” and instead just happily swept it under the rug. The problem with sweeping things under the rug is that at some point, you are going to have to deal with them.
Worrying about the future
The problem for the woman reality was that she couldn’t stop thinking about issues that having 47children might bring in the future. She couldn’t get the thoughts of future difficulties out of her head, and that led her to think maybe it was time to get a divorce.
The woman was prepared to hear that her husband had a few children, but discovering that he had 47 was almost like a joke. Although they had built a great life for themselves and started their own family, this was something the woman didn’t think she could get past.
It was unfair of the woman to penalize her husband for something he was very upfront about from the very beginning. She claimed her partner had been very vocal about the fact he had donated in the past, but her dismissal of it has now led to a big problem.
Could she seriously punish her husband for something that he had told her about? She was struggling with her thoughts and needed some guidance from the internet. That’s when she took to Reddit to ask that community if she was in the wrong, or her husband.
One of the woman’s biggest fears was that when each of these 47 children reached 18 years old, they would be entitled to contact her husband. They might not want to know anything about the man who gave them life, but they might.
If they did, then the woman could spend the rest of her life fearing that every time the doorbell rings it’s another one of her husband’s kids. The woman and her husband had their own child to worry about, what if these other kids wanted their biological father to be in their lives?
Was she wrong?
The woman wanted people on Reddit to tell her if she was wrong or not for feeling the way she does about her husband’s 47 children. Was it okay for her to be contemplating getting a divorce, even though he had tried to tell her about it in the past?
Her own mind couldn’t come up with the answer, so it was down to the good people of the internet to guide her through this foggy situation. The reaction was split online, making it less clear about what the ideal path for the woman should be.
Caring about numbers
Some people thought the woman was in no position to be angry or upset about her husband’s 47 children. They felt that if she was so worried about numbers, then the time to ask was when he first brought it up.
Now that she does know, it’s not the husband’s fault it took her so long to actually ask. The numbers were once either not important to the woman, or she was too scared to ask back then.
What’s the real problem?
Another user agreed with the previous person and said the fact the woman knew in advance about the donations meant she couldn’t be angry now.
They have been married for years and seemingly without any problems, but this user felt as though the 47 children was a screen. The commenter felt as though there might be other underlying issues with the couple’s relationship, and this woman is using the kids as an excuse. They asked, “What’s the real reason you want a divorce?”
One person didn’t really understand why this woman was so upset by the fact her husband had so many children. They said it wasn’t as though he had been going around and getting people pregnant himself. Instead, he was donating to a clinic that had helped families in need.
As far as this commenter could tell, the woman’s husband had done a good thing by bringing so much joy to so many families. Without his donations, there might be many couples without children in their lives.
The commenter continued to question the woman’s desire to want a divorce. They said that divorcing her husband could cause all kinds of problems for her family in the future. The commenter also felt as though something else was going on in the relationship because breaking up the family over this could hurt her daughter.
In fact, the commenter thought that breaking up their family over the husband’s donations could “ruin” the daughter’s life. Their advice was to talk to a therapist or marriage counselor before seriously considering divorce.
Questioning the husband
Others were on the side of the woman, and felt as though the husband shouldn’t have kept quiet for so long. He clearly knew just how many children he had fathered, and it won’t have been a huge surprise to him to learn that 47 is quite a lot.
Although he wasn’t necessarily going to have them come into his life, there was a possibility, and for some people, he should have said something. Even though he was right to bring up the fact he donated in the past, he should have ensured that he mentioned the number.
Working through it
Although one person felt as though it was a problem for the couple, they did think it was something they could work through. They agreed that he could have been clearer with the woman a long time ago. He should have mentioned how many kids there were out there with his DNA.
The long-term outcome was something that the husband should have made clear to his wife before they married. Instead, he kept it to himself, and now they were facing this situation many years later.
Playing it down
The commenter felt as though the husband played the whole thing down and should have made a point of bringing up the quantity. They said that once the woman was confronted with the reality she “freaked out” and chose to run away rather than working out their problems together.
They felt as though the best route for the woman and her husband was to go for some kind of counseling. That way, they could both work through their fears and concerns while focusing on their daughter’s wellbeing.
Seeing it from the woman’s side
One person on the Reddit page felt the people who claimed her husband’s many children would not impact her life were “delusional.” Although it might not affect the woman in the future, the commenter felt the first thing the woman should do is get in contact with a lawyer.
That way, she can make sure that these other children can’t have a claim to any money that she and her husband have. They did think divorce was a bit of a knee-jerk reaction and told the woman to get all the facts before making a rash decision.
Daughter’s future dating options
Someone else brought up the point that in the future their daughter is going to have to worry about being related to her future partners. With her dad’s DNA in so many people, it could cause issues for the daughter if she one day finds out she has been dating a half-brother or sister.
They said that it was something the daughter would have to worry about, especially if she was planning on having any children in the future. Her dad helped many people but may have inadvertently made his own daughter’s life more difficult.
An emotional person
The woman considering a divorce did later admit that she is an “emotional person.” She expressed to the people on the internet forum that in reality, she was just having a hard time dealing with her emotions about the situation.
It was a huge shock for her to learn about how many kids her husband had fathered, and how many may turn up at her house someday. The thoughts of divorce might have been a little reactionary, but the Reddit forum was a good sounding board for her worries. It was cheaper than paying for a professional.
The thread continued, and the woman did have something else to admit. When she thought it was just a couple of kids that her husband had fathered she felt it was okay, later when she discovered it was many more, her opinion changed.
In fact, she said that her partner being the father of so many children, “seems weird to me.” The woman did express that she knew her feelings were “wrong,” but it was troubling her. She admitted to needed to tell people she was being selfish to help her get over it.
Hitting the panic button
Further into the comments, the original poster admitted that more than anything else, she just panicked when hearing the news. The woman admitted to being “overly emotional” and that she can struggle when dealing with some issues.
There is no harm in asking for some help, but the general consensus on the forum was that the woman was overreacting. People felt that because she knew about the donations in the past, it was unfair of her to be angry about them now. Even though some people were on her side, most were not.
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